In my household it has always been my mom that holds the pants, not my dad (although I really wish he did). My mom is extremely opinionated, much like myself, but she takes it to another level! My whole childhood growing up I wanted to please her, and don't get me wrong I still do, I think that kids will always want to please their parents or families no matter what age they are, but as I have matured and gotten older, I have come to realize that I cannot make my mom happy if I am not happy first. I think I am usually a happy person, but I also know that I put my happiness in my mom's happiness, meaning that I am happy because she is happy or not mad at me or my sisters or my dad or my grandparents or whoever or whatever else gets her mad. I am happy when I am with people that make me happy. Like Troy, she makes me incandescently happy, and I want to be that happy for the rest of my life, just like I know I will.
This past Sunday I went over to Troy's family's house for dinner and we ended up discussing the church (LDS), I have always been curious about it since I became friends with so many Mormons my freshman year of high school, but I was never given the opportunity to pursue that curiosity, until Troy and I started dating of course. I truly believe that God has put Troy in my life for a very important reason, I feel things in that church and with that family that I do not feel anywhere else. I cannot even begin to describe those feelings because one, they are indescribable, and two, I don't know if anyone would believe me. My family is not LDS, and I was so scared to tell my mom, but I did because I do not want to lie to her and I cannot deny my feelings any longer. She did not take it very well at all, she would not even let me explain my reasons for wanting to explore the church and she has not really talked to me since then. She basically told me that I can live my life how I choose but she will not support me at all. It's very hard to hear the person I love most say that, but I also know that my grand parents and great grandparents are very supportive of me, they want me to be happy and if the church is what will make me happy then they will support it.
I really hope that one day my mom will soften her heart and let me explain myself a little better. She just didn' want to hear it, she said that I was only doing this because of Troy and that they were "brainwashing" me. It's a very close-minded attitude that she has, and I am hoping with time that she will see that I am serious about this and I will eventually put my happiness before hers.
I really wish I had Troy here with me to go through with this but at the same time I know that I need to do this for myself and not him or anyone else.
All I can say is that I am beyond blessed for the life I have and the opportunities that I have been given, and I am also very grateful for the family and friends that support me in my decision to explore the church, they mean so much to me, because only God knows the plan for me, and I believe that he is supporting me and showing me the way through all of them.
<3 Justiene
No comments:
Post a Comment