Month 11

I pretty much fail at this whole blogging thing because I cannot seem to find the time to do it. 

But I am going to try my hardest now to keep up with it. 

Well month number 11 came and went faster than I could have thought imaginable 

The pictures were not very good this time...

It was a last minute effort trying to put it together! 

10 months down...it's spooky!

Words cannot describe how excited I am that it has been 10 months!

It's sad to say that it has been that long since I have last seen Troy...But it means I am 10 months closer to seeing him!

I feel like I just posted the 9 month picture!

It has been a crazy month, full of ups and downs, but our love is still strong!

So proud of Troy and how he is bringing families closer to our Heavenly Father.

 

 

Love always,

Justiene

 

 

Hardships...Worry...Fear

Well this may not seem like a ver bright post...and let me just warn you, it's not going to be

I feel like I can't get a grasp on anything in my life right now.

There are so many things that have completely turned upside down and I feel like I have no one in the world to talk to about them. It's hard not having that best friend that knows your life inside and out, and yes there are new friends, but they are not the same as that good old childhood friend.

If I could talk to someone right now it would be about so many things...

Having the most hectic schedule EVER! I have to pack both lunch and dinner at least 3 nights a week

Feeling so blue about not being able to talk to Troy

Not having my friends accessable to me any time I would like I live an hour away from them now

Working at a new store same company and feeling very unappreciated there

But most of all I would like to talk about religion

 

I am not LDS yet but I have always felt a sort of draw to the church, since my freshman year of high school, I just did not know what it meant at the time, but now that I have gotten older and I have been able to voice this, things have not been easy at home. My mom has voiced very forcefully that she will not support my decision to join the church. She is very concerned for me, but what I don't understand is how she can say all of those negative things about the church without any sort of background knowledge. I had a very difficult converstation with her last night over the phone, and it was the hardest thing I may have ever done.

 

It is not my goal to hurt my mom or anyone, I feel so horribly about it, but I have to decide whether I am going to do this for ME or if I am just going to give in and repress what I am feeling about the church. I am faced with the most tough decision that I may ever have to deal with in life.

 

And even though it is a huge burden off my back to know that my mom now knows how I am feeling, it is still so difficult, everything about this decision is constantly on my mind, I can think of nothing else.

I cannot eat

I cannot sleep

I can't even think with a clear mind.

I don't know if I am willing to give up my family

I don't know what will happen in the future

I don't want to resent my mom forever for keeping me from my dream

 

I suppose the only thing to do is follow my heart, pray and hope for the best

 

But I am completely doubting my heart, I feel like I can't pray, and it seems there is no hope for me

Month 9! It's a misson baby!!!

Well month number 9 has pretty much been the craziest month of my life. I started college and moved to Orange County and basically left everything that I have ever known. I am so happy though (most of the time) and I feel so grateful to be given the opportunity to go to school and live rent free.

For Troy...well he is just having so much fun on his mission. His letters are getting shorter and shorter but he still continues to write, so that's good at least. I have been a little less inclined to write. I know it probably sounds really bad, but I am just really busy and I know that he still loves me and I still love him. He wishes that I would write more but I just can't find the time between work and school.

I did find the time to send him a package though!

It was a little random but I think it's the thought that counts :)

A little bit of Texas for him

You know him and his candy!

and Disney!

I know that the candy cigarettes were probably bad for a missionary but I think they are so cute!
And look at the chap stick, yummmm
And we have to represent the Dodgers!! woohoo :)

his favorite 

Because it's so darn hot in Indiana 

All of these drinks are so delicious (courtesy of Cracker Barrel in Texas)

Like I said, it was a little random but he loved it so I am happy with it :)

with love,

Justiene 

p.s. the title just always cracks me up! :)

Quick Update

So I decided to add some things to my blog

"Read Some Books" and "Q & A"

I want people to know what I am like...who I truly am and I think that through my writing and the books that I read and the pictures that I take, people will get a better idea of who I am. So that is the main reason why I decided to add some things. I want everybody and anybody to ask me questions, and I want people to wan to read, it has always been something that is so important to me. I remember when Troy was home, he would catch me trying to sneak a book into my purse wherever we would go and he would always say "no you have to spend time with me, not your books" and now looking back I am glad that he told me that, it allowed us for more "together time". But now that he is not home, and I am trying to fill my time with positive things and activities, I have really picked up reading again, and I forgot how happy it makes me to just sit and be lost in a world of other people. So I know I may sound a little nerdy or weird, but I promise that all it takes is one good book and you could be hooked forever 

Love Always, 

Justiene 

Disneyland Daise

I just love disneyland...

I had the best day just walking around and talking with Troy's mom

We ate good food and had even better conversation

I just love knowing that someday I will be a part of Troy's family and I will be able to call her my mother in law. I am so grateful for Joyce (Troy's mom) and all of his family.

I hope that there are many more days to come where I can just talk about my future with someone that truly cares. As long as Troy and I can stay in love, we are going to have a very happy life. I know we will have more support and love from family than we will even know what to do with. 

Talking with Joyce today just reassured me that Troy and my relationship is stronger than ever, and that we will be able to make it when he comes home as a young married student couple. There are so many options for us and I just can't wait for that time in my life. It's funny though, I know it will probably sneak up so fast on me that I may feel unprepared, but I know Heavenly Father will guide the way. 

With love,

Justiene

Trials...Trials...Trials

So I don't think I have had a day quite like today in a while...

I should have known from the way I slept last night (or didn't sleep) that this day was going to be a bit interesting...and boy was I in for it. 

The day started off good, it's my mom's birthday so we went to breakfast and then to Knott's Berry Farm for a little while. 

Love these girls..even though Claire Kept me awake! 

Then it was time to go home because it was my last day of work. 

It was the worst last day of work too, it was just way to stressful. It didn't even feel like my last day

Well on my way to work my car decided to kick the bucket and it is gone! 

R.I.P jimmy 

My very first car, my black beauty (not really a beauty) my jimmy, the car that holds so many memories is just gone...

At first all I felt was sadness and disbelief but then after a while anger rolled in and it has not left, as I sit here pounding on my keys I can't help but feel mad because this is happening to me, what did I do to deserve this? It just doesn't seem fair at all. 

I start college soon, I am moving up to Orange County soon, and I am going to have to pay rent.

How can I possibly afford a new car, or at least something that is reliable, works and has good gas milage? I don't know what I am going to do, I feel horrible though. 

There are just way too many things running through my head, it's been this way for a while, but now things just seem to be boiling over.

All I can think to do is pray and hope for the best, tomorrow is brand new with no mistakes...although I will still have no car. 

I don't even know how I will survive...I drive everywhere!

But I leave for Texas in 3 days and I hope that I will be able to think of a solution and just have a good time. Luckily I am flying and not driving! 

This is definitely a low tide for me

13 Months Already???

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I cannot believe that it has been 13 months since Troy and I started dating.

Time has just completely flown by

We have had so many memories in such a short amount of time 

even though we have been friends for over 4 years now

Troy left a couple of weeks before our 6 months so we did not get very much time together as a couple while he was home, but we did experience a love unparalleled to anything that we have ever known before. He has treated me better in these past months than any boy has ever treated me. He supports me in everything I do and he loves me for who I am!

Even though he has not been home for the better part of our relationship, we have grown tremendously together. We have learned how to communicate in a way that some couples that have been together for 20 years don't know how to do. We have also had to show our love in other ways than just the physical stuff (i.e. kissing, holding hands, hugging) and I think that he has shown me so much love through our letters and emails. 

I am proud to call him mine. I can't wait for our eternity together

 this journey that we are going through now is just a blink in the grand scheme of things. 

I love you so much Elder Golledge

Thank you for your time and your love

You will never know how much I truly love you 

Love always and forever

When things end...

Well I know I may sound a bit strange but so many things are on the brink of changing. I graduated, I am leaving the Temecula Office Depot July 26th I am going off to college, I am moving to Orange County. All of these things are major points in my life.

But for some very odd reason the thing that is striking me the most at the moment is finishing the last episode of Big Love HBO's series. That's right, I watched all 5 seasons! It has taken up most of my summer so far and I have grown to love all of the characters even though they are not real. So to finally see it end makes me sad because I will not be able to follow their lives anymore. It's almost like when you are friends with someone but then that friendship ends and you no longer know what is going on in their life that you were once so closely apart of. 

I also finished reading the book Escape by Carolin Jessop. That book brought another end with so many questions. I just want to know where they are now. 

So I have come to realize that I much prefer fantasy worlds to the actual literal world. It has helped me escape from the stresses of everyday life and all of the changes that are currently taking place in my life. But when those things ended it brought me right back to reality, I couldn't hide behind these "fake" things any longer, I have to face what lies ahead for me. I am not saying that I am not excited, its one step closer to Troy coming home but I feel unprepared, and that could be from my lack of being proactive with finding an apartment or working on my health but I also feel unprepared because I feel as though I am going this alone, and I know that it should be like this but I can't help but panic a little. 

So as I am sitting here thinking about where my life is heading and feeling like I want to pull my hair out, I need to remember that He has a plan for me, He knows exactly what path my life is gong to go down, all of my life Heavenly Father has illuminated the steps for me to take, and although those steps may not be lit up for me just yet, they will be when He is ready to illuminate them.

Only 730 days to go Elder!

Today one of my very best friends entered the MTC in Provo, Utah. His name is Jason Geminert or now he will be known as Elder Geminert.

He is the first "guy friend" that I had in high school, the first boy I liked in high school although that didn't last long until we realized that we were better off as friends the first boy to ever try to just be my friend and not think I had "cooties".

He is a lover of movies and Justin Bieber yes...that is true he loves to hang out with friends, and he loves his family and his church more than anything in the world. 

He introduced me to Troy and then 3 years later forced Troy to tell me that he liked me...so basically if if it wasn't for him Elder Golledge and I might have never fell in love. 

He is the person who taught me that boys love to make fun of girls, he always wanted Tamales from my family.

He never stopped being my friend, we never truly had any drama except that of his best friend, which was minimal he was always respectful of me 99% of the time 

He is an amazing person, I am proud to say that is a big part of my life, even though we may have not hung out all the time, when we did it was as if we saw each other everyday and his family radiates love when you walk into the room. 

I am going to miss him, it feels as though I am back to square one with waiting for a missionary...

I just want to say good luck Elder Geminert, have fun in the Utica, New York, English speaking mission, I know that you will change lives and bring so much love to the people just waiting to hear the truth! 

My best friend is 18!!!!!

Happy Birthday Danica!!!! I can't believe you are already 18! I feel like time has just flown by way too fast.

 Remember when we were awkward little 11 year olds

Remember when I asked you if your henna tattoo was real

Remember when we went to Disneyland for my 14th birthday 

And now we went to Disneyland for your 18th birthday!!! 

You have been the best friend any girl could ask for! 

I am so happy that we have shared 7 birthdays together 

And I can't wait to spend many more together! especially your 21st! Ayyyooo Party

Love always

Is there really enough time for all of this!?

So I would just like to take a moment to say AHHHHHHH!!!!

My schedule this month is absolutely bonkers! 

There are so many little things going on...even big things like my trip to Las Vegas and to Texas 

Summer 2013 is a pretty exciting one 

The biggest thing on the list of of things to do this month is to find an apartment to rent in Orange County...It has not been an easy task...

I am super excited for all the month of July has to bring and I can't even imagine what August is going to look like...EEEKKK! :)

Land of the Free

4th of July would not have been complete without a big family get together! 

The day included a water balloon toss that turned into a fight Bingo, LCR, sparklers if you know what that is 

My mom and dad manning the game table

great food like burgers and dogs there was even a nacho bar!

Nachos!!!

Grandpa cookin'

It was so great to have all of my friends there to celebrate our beautiful country

work friends 

The fireworks were amazing

The way my mom set up the "graduation" table was so cute and it was so thoughtful of her to include that into the party

And the finale of the whole night was Dispicable Me on the projector screen in my backyard!

It could not have been any better except for the fact that Troy was not home I know that he would have just loved it! 

But since our 4th of July bashes are bi-annuaul he will be home for the next one :)

Construction zone

Sorry about all of the rapid changes that have been taking place on my blog. I am new to this whole thing and I am trying to figure it all out. There are just so many things to do with a blog! I can't seem to make up my mind. But I will say that the Internet has helped me tremendously! (As it always does). And I would like to Thank one blog in particular, this blog has given me so many tips and answered so many questions pertaining to blogging.

Click here for the great blogging help

Sisterly Love

There are few words to describe the love that I have for my sisters. They are my world. I would do absolutely anything for them. I am fortunate enough to watch them grow, to grow with them and to aid in their growth, seeing as I am so much older. When my mom told me that she was pregnant back when I was 13 years old, it was a bit shocking. I had always been the baby in the family and that was about to change, but once that little baby came into the world, my whole life was changed forever. They always say that you never know love till you have children of your own, and I believe it, but I also think that there is a special kind of love shared between sisters that cannot be replaced and it cannot be made up. The blessings that have come from my two little sisters are boundless. From the funny things they come up with to having to teach them a valuable lesson, they are the most innocent, kind, funny little individuals I know. Days when I just get to simply take them to the park or the movies and spend time with them are the best. I love them more than anyone will ever know, more than they will ever know. I want them to grow up to be the best people they can be, no matter what religion, who they marry (as long as they are good guys!) or what they want to do in life.

It's been a year...ummm what!?

Well I don't even know where to begin! I can officially say that Troy and I have been together for a year now. It's very exciting to say because I have never been able to say that before. This has been the best year of my whole life though, he truly has made me the happiest girl ever! Even before we started going out, he was always a great friend, he would always try to hang out with me, and at the time I did not realize that it was because he actually liked me, but I just thought that we connected.
But that's not the point, the point is that we have not only made it a year but we have made it a year in a different way than most couples do, on December 5th 2012 we had to say goodbye to each other, we had only been going out for 5 months when he left, which may not seem like a lot of time but we have known each other for a few years, but we had to develop our relationship in a new way, although Troy and I had a very good relationship, good in all ways, not just being attracted to each other but we had a very deep connection, but we have become so much closer emotionally than ever before, if there was any doubt in my mind, it has all but vanished. Through letters and some occasional videos we have been able to grow so much closer than any couple who spend every day together could. We have been able to share feelings about how we feel so much better, and even though I want him to come home, I know that these next 18 months will only continue to help us grow both as individuals but as a couple as well. I think that if any couple is able to communicate well then they will go far.
His letter to me for our one year was the most amazing letter I have ever gotten! He always amazes me at how well he writes (but he can't spell). I just have to share the letter that he wrote me!

Dear Justiene
Okay so this letter is our one year letter, the letter that I was talking about in that type written letter. It is 1:37pm and it's May 27th and I am trying to decide how I am going to even start this letter. I am just beyond happy that I can be with someone like you, I can't even express how happy I am. This letter is actually hard for me to write because I am shaking a little bit.
So this letter I think will be long and to cover everything it will most likely take longer than just 1 p-day. So really what I wanted to start talking about was why I love you. I have been wanting to write a letter on this topic but I wanted it to be a really special letter and I chose to start today and send it for our 12 months. 1 year with the most amazing girl on earth.
So babe to be 100% honest I do not know where to start. There are just so many things I honestly don't know what or how to say what and why I love you. It's one of those feelings in your heart you have but can't explain that feeling. That is what I am feeling right now. I really am just thinking now I am going to start. Okay so I think I'm going to start with Disneyland. My favorite place on earth and I am pretty sure it is your favorite place as well. So I just love how you always wanted to go to Disneyland. It was always our first choice and it really was our escape. I keep thinking about the first time we went together, you had your pass and remember it was you, Megan, Danica, Austin and I . I remember liking you at that time. The thing I didn't notice was the next time we went after that we were together. I remember you talking to Austin Bouchey and you were texting him. I wanted to literally throw your phone because I was hoping something would happen that night between us. I just remember watching World of Color and I wanted to just put my arms around your waist, but that might have been weird at that time for you. So I love how you go to Disneyland and you just think about me. I mean you had your ears on in your grad pictures. We will probably be that couple with the bride and groom hats at Disney World, I just can't wait for that. But I loved our kisses, there holding you in World of Color, and I love how we started with Tangled as our first movie. So I just love hour you love everything about Disneyland.
So the second reason or why I love you is your diligence. You are diligent in a ton of things and that is a very good attribute. You have been very diligent lately with missionary lessons and with your mom. A ton is happening right now in your life and I know your mom isn't making it any better. But I just love hose even though you go through all these things with your mom, you still know what you want. You want to join the church because you want to and it has nothing to do with me.  Even though you go through all these things you know what you want, and nobody will change your thoughts or feelings  about that. It shows me why you love me and how much because you are willing and going through so you can be with me through eternity. I mean I know it's hard now but I know for a fact that God is watching and is seeing everything you are doing. I know he will bless us both for being diligent. You by joining the church and me by serving a mission. The blessings will come and one will be being able to be sealed together forever in the temple. I love how diligent you are and no matter what you continue to go for what you want. I love it and it doesn't surprise me at all when it comes to this subject.
So the third things I picked was your love for me and my family. In both of our lives, family is really important. I think it's that but I love really how much you love my family. You turn to my mom when you need her and you love being with them and around them. Even though I'm not home you continue to see them and if it was any other girl I doubt she would randomly just want to be with my family....

The letter is extremely long! 15 pages to be exact but it makes me cry every time I read it! I just love him so much. Like he said, I don't even know where to start, he just makes me so happy and giddy and I feel like there will be no one in the world that could make me feel that way.

So I sent him a "1 year" box and I included....

my grandma wanted him to be patriotic

we both love ginger ale

Troy's favorite water

The bear's left hand when pressed says "happy anniversary Elder Golledge, I love you"

I gave him 15 chapsticks before he left

 

He tends to be made fun of a lot so I thought this would make him happy

 

Lots of pictures of my life since he has been gone

I also put a letter in the box, it is not nearly as good as the one he sent me though! his letter are what get me through this time in my (our) life. 

He also sent me a box with my one year letter and it included....

He definitely did a great job! I know his mom probably helped but it is still wonderful! he had to think of it and he did a great job :) I also got some candy too. We both love candy!  

I am so happy for this time in my life and that I get to share it with Troy. He is the most amazing missionary and the most amazing boyfriend. I am beyond grateful that God brought him into my life, and blessed me with a sweet boy but a wonderful family as well, I can't wait to be a part of his family someday! 

More of the letter to come! :)