Well this may not seem like a ver bright post...and let me just warn you, it's not going to be
I feel like I can't get a grasp on anything in my life right now.
There are so many things that have completely turned upside down and I feel like I have no one in the world to talk to about them. It's hard not having that best friend that knows your life inside and out, and yes there are new friends, but they are not the same as that good old childhood friend.
If I could talk to someone right now it would be about so many things...
Having the most hectic schedule EVER! I have to pack both lunch and dinner at least 3 nights a week
Feeling so blue about not being able to talk to Troy
Not having my friends accessable to me any time I would like I live an hour away from them now
Working at a new store same company and feeling very unappreciated there
But most of all I would like to talk about religion
I am not LDS yet but I have always felt a sort of draw to the church, since my freshman year of high school, I just did not know what it meant at the time, but now that I have gotten older and I have been able to voice this, things have not been easy at home. My mom has voiced very forcefully that she will not support my decision to join the church. She is very concerned for me, but what I don't understand is how she can say all of those negative things about the church without any sort of background knowledge. I had a very difficult converstation with her last night over the phone, and it was the hardest thing I may have ever done.
It is not my goal to hurt my mom or anyone, I feel so horribly about it, but I have to decide whether I am going to do this for ME or if I am just going to give in and repress what I am feeling about the church. I am faced with the most tough decision that I may ever have to deal with in life.
And even though it is a huge burden off my back to know that my mom now knows how I am feeling, it is still so difficult, everything about this decision is constantly on my mind, I can think of nothing else.
I cannot eat
I cannot sleep
I can't even think with a clear mind.
I don't know if I am willing to give up my family
I don't know what will happen in the future
I don't want to resent my mom forever for keeping me from my dream
I suppose the only thing to do is follow my heart, pray and hope for the best
But I am completely doubting my heart, I feel like I can't pray, and it seems there is no hope for me
